Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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