too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
