I want to stick my p in your. b.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
