I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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