dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
