I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
