First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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