Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he fucked my hip out of place.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
