she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
