Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
