White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
