it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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