i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
