i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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