i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
