Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
