Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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