So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
