he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
false alarm, still single
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
