I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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