yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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