I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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