I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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