We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
