I'm so fucking centered right now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
