Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
