he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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