We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
