in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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