Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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