Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
