i already hear my dad disowning me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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