Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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