Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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