If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
