Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
