Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
