Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
