More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
