Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
