i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This house was built for laser tag.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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