margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
