That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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