just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
