guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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