im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
