I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my poor anus
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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