Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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