Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
