I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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