I need help removing her.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
