for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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