Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
