I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
