Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
